Dictiomatic Talking Translator

For today’s entry in the never-ending “Zscaler Logo On A Weird, Old or Obsolete Gadget” series, I wanted to honor my Zscaler colleagues who have continued on from Chicago and are now in Prague to put on another SKO event, before heading to Bangkok to do the third and final FY23 SKO.

This is a "Dictiomatic Talking Translator" from 1991. I literally bought this thing about an hour ago at a local thrift shop, so I can’t pretend I have a ton of firsthand knowledge about it. What I can confirm is that the original batteries were still inserted, which meant that the battery compartment had turned into a toxic waste dump of corrosion and gunk. After a quick (but thorough!) cleaning with vinegar and rubbing alcohol, I popped some fresh “AAA” batteries in and it fired right up… kinda.

The LCD screen is a little wonky (it’s just as likely to display garbage vs. actual letters) and the “COMPUTER’S BUILT IN SPEAKER, USING A HUMAN VOICE THAT SOUNDS JUST LIKE A NATIVE SPEAKER” in reality sounds a lot more like a garbage disposal suffering a mental breakdown. Nevertheless, after a couple dozen attempts, I managed to get it to correct display the word “Zscaler” using the built-in memo function.

This is (to put it mildly) “less than practical,” given that neither of the non-English languages this thing supports are even primary languages in Prague or Bangkok. Then again, if anyone is looking to my RetroComputing gags for practical tools for solving real problems, I have terrible news for you 🤣

Anyway, I hope you guys get a kick out of this, and to all my Zscaler REV friends: I sincerely hope that you have a ton of fun, safe travels, and better success communicating in Prague and Bangkok than this dumb gadget could possibly provide!